By Any Other Name
by AnneMaundrell
Summary: When a creature unlike anything the Cullens have ever dealt with finds her way into their lives, they must join forces in order to prevent the exposure of the mythical vampire world.
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE - MARCH, 2008: FORKS, WASHINGTON

The cold was biting.

Not because of the weather, but because of the company.

Honestly, it was more surprising to me that the company wasn't biting harder than the cold. But that's really another matter.

"I could get you a blanket."

I turned to see who had spoken so suddenly. Of course, it was Edward. Who else would have known what I needed without me having to say anything? I shook my head, not wanting him to do me any favors, and tried to focus on the task at hand. It wasn't easy, not with Edward's sister, Alice, breathing down my neck the entire time.

"You okay?" she kept asking. "Don't panic if you see something move - there are a lot of animals out here."

"I know," I said for the thousandth time. "I'll survive."

"Yeah, you will," said Alice in a whisper that I might have missed had a breeze been blowing. "You'll be fine."

I shook my head again, this time from agitation. I hated that she knew the future when I could barely hold onto the present. All I knew about myself was that my name was Anne Maundrell, that my past was no longer a part of me, and that I was easily one of the strangest creatures these vampires would ever come across.


	2. Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE - MAY, 1814, LONDON, ENGLAND

"Miss Maundrell!" rang the familiar, jolly voice from downstairs.

I hurried to our staircase to peer over the railing in what I hoped would be a demurely flirtatious manner. There he stood, all smiles and pride, the man I loved. Mr. Thomas West of Surrey. When I glided down the stairs, he stretched out his hand to take mine.

"Miss Maundrell, you look ever more glorious as the days grow warmer. That must be the reason our days lengthen in the summertime - the sun is desperate to see your face for as long as possible," said Mr. West, kissing my hand.

I felt the familiar, dizzying rush of passion, but quelled it as best I could in favor of appearing ladylike to him.

"You flatter, Mr. West," I insisted. "I made little effort with myself this morning, even with the knowledge of your arrival."

"Only proving my point further!" said Mr. West.

"Mr. West, will you stay to dine with us this evening?" my mother asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway.

"It would be my honor," Mr. West accepted with a bow.

I smiled at my mother, who I could have sworn gave me a little wink before turning gracefully to go into the parlor. Mr. West and I followed. It was not until then that I realized his manservant had followed us, carrying a box with a few holes in the lid. Mr. West's eyes gleamed as he caught me looking at it.

"May I inquire, Mr. West, as to the contents of the mysterious parcel?" I asked, a laugh in my voice.

"You may, as it is a gift for you," said Mr. West. "I will take that, Brandon, thank you."

The servant bowed, handed the parcel to Mr. West, and left. Mr. West passed it to me.

"I hope you will not find it too forward of me, Mrs. Maundrell, to give your daughter such a gift," Mr. West rushed to say before I opened the box.

My mother laughed. "Oh, I doubt I shall be offended if it makes my daughter half as happy as your visits do!"

I lifted the top off of the box. Inside was a kitten, a perfect, tiny, mewing white kitten.I was utterly delighted as I lifted the soft creature to my cheek, felt her velvet fur against my skin, marveled at her fragility.

"I remember you once told me how you love cats," said Mr. West. "And I know that your birthday is approaching. I could not help but to give you a gift."

"Thank you, Mr. West, thank you so much!" I squealed, my voice nothing like the deep, resonant tones it usually gave out. I sounded like a child. "I adore her!"

"What shall you name her, Anne?" asked my mother.

"I cannot think of a name beautiful enough for her," I said.

"Perhaps Olivia?" suggested Mother.

"Mother, I could not possibly! After the fiasco that Olivia the horse turned out to be, I could never inflict such a name upon an innocent kitten."

"I have a suggestion," said Mr. West. "Just brought to the front of my mind. Perhaps Miranda would be a fitting name for your new pet."

"Miranda - oh, how perfect! After _The Tempest_!" I cooed.

"Where we first met," said Mr. West, so quietly I almost could not hear him. I felt my cheeks burning and the tingling sensation travel up my spine.

Mother seemed to sense something between the two of us, because she promptly suggested that we take Miranda to view her new home. Mr. West accompanied me to our gardens. The weather could not have been more charming - softly warm, the sun skipping behind light clouds every now and then, and a gentle breeze blowing carelessly as we took our turn. We laughed at Miranda as she chased a bumblebee like a lioness stalking her prey, and before long, we sat together on a bench and let her play. I was suddenly very aware of Mr. West's close proximity to me, and I could barely keep a hold on my passion. He must have felt it too, for he turned to me and took my hand with some urgency.

"Miss Maundrell, I must speak with candor," he said, a fire in his voice I had never heard before.

"Please," I prompted.

"You - Miss Maundrell, you must know how much I love you."

"And I you."

"Truly?"

"Can you have any doubt?"

Neither of us could speak above a whisper. For a moment, the only sound was the soft mewing of Miranda from somewhere near the herb garden. Mr. West took my other hand and encased both of mine in his own.

"I came here today with one goal," Mr. West went on.

"Pray, tell it to me," I said, my breathing uncomfortably fast.

"Would you...would you do me the honor of accepting my hand in marriage?" he choked.

I began to cry tears of joy, and could not speak. I nodded, smiling through the salt water, and without warning had been engulfed in a kiss. I had never been kissed before, and this kiss had been more than worth the nineteen-year wait for its arrival. I nearly swooned. When we broke apart, Miranda was batting at my skirts. I laughed and picked her up, and Mr. West stroked her like she was our child. He then looked lovingly into my eyes.

"Beautiful," he muttered. "More than anything else in the world."

He kissed my forehead, and I dried my eyes. With that, we returned to the house to Mother's parlor, where she sat anxious to hear my excellent news.


	3. Chapter Two

CHAPTER TWO - JANUARY, 2008: FORKS, WASHINGTON

"Who _is _she, Jazz?"

"I couldn't find any kind of identification on her."

"Isn't she pretty?"

"Lovely."

Who were these people? Where were these voices coming from? I couldn't make sense of it. I tried to open my eyes.

"She's waking up!"

"Thank goodness."

"Can you hear us? What's your name?"

The last voice was a high, tinkling soprano of a voice that rang out over all the others. I blinked awake, cringing from the sudden light, confused by the blurriness in my eyes. I tried to locate the source of the last voice I had heard.

"Hi! Are you okay?"

It was the same voice. I focused on a girl standing directly over me, taking in her elfin features. The voice certainly matched its speaker.

"W-where am I?" I croaked.

"I'll get her some water," said a male voice from somewhere away from the group crowding me.

"Where?" I repeated.

"Forks," said the spiky-haired girl. "Forks, Washington."

I tried to sit up, but a blinding pain in my head made me let out a cry and fall back.

"Careful!"

Another voice rang out, and I felt a pair of freezing, strong hands catch my head before it hit the...table?

"Alice, help her sit back up. Slowly."

I hated this helpless feeling. The man's hands - I could tell that's what they were - shifted from my head to my shoulders as the small woman called Alice pulled me up by the small of my back. My vision focused a little more and I almost gasped at what I saw.

Every person in the room - and there were five at the moment - could have been an angel. There was Alice, with her tiny features and frame, another woman with raven hair and holding the arm of a bronze-haired god, the man with his arm now around my shoulder to keep me propped up who had a sweet, quiet way about him, and a caramel-haired beauty who seemed just a few years older than the others. I liked her right away, though I couldn't say why.

"Hello, dear," said the caramel-haired one. "My name is Esme Cullen. The people all around you are my family. Don't be frightened."

Esme's face broke into an easy smile, and I suddenly felt myself relaxing with no explanation as to why. For some reason, this seemed to amuse the people around me.

"Thanks, Jasper," whispered Alice with a little wink at the young man supporting me.

"What's happening?" I asked desperately.

"We're not entirely sure," said Esme. "My son, Jasper, he's just behind you - he found you by the river. You were unconscious."

"Am I all right?"

"You should be," said Alice. "Carlisle took a good look at you."

"I'm a doctor," came a voice from the door, belonging to a tall man holding a glass of water.

It seemed like it should have been impossible for another exquisite face to fit into the room, and yet it had. He brought the glass over to me and helped me drink. It was the sweetest relief I could have imagined, the icy water flowing into my stomach.

"Am I all right?" I repeated to Carlisle, the doctor.

"Quite a concussion, and you've been out for at least thirteen hours, but other than that, you should be fine," said Carlisle. "Can you tell us who you are?"

"Anne Maundrell," I said.

"Anne, do you remember what happened down by the river?"

I racked my brains, but I couldn't come up with anything. I couldn't even remember why I had been at the river in the first place. Why I was in Forks, Washington. Why I was in America. The freezing hands of Jasper, who I still could not see, tightened a little as though he sensed my rising anxiety.

"Why don't we give Anne a little air?" Carlisle suggested. "Jasper, you stay, if you would."

"Certainly," said Jasper.

Esme, Alice, and the beautiful couple left the room. Carlisle propped pillows underneath me, allowing Jasper to release me and move away. When he and I locked eyes, a sudden memory flashed, so strong and vivid that I almost forgot to breathe.

I was by the river, screaming, when a sudden weakness overtook me. I felt a hard slam on the side of my head and was knocked to the ground. Though motionless and unseeing, I was aware of what was happening. I heard a gentle voice asking me if I was all right, but there was some kind of strain behind it. I recognized the voice now. It was Jasper.

Presently, Jasper and Carlisle had both rushed to my side. I wondered why, but when I realized I was dangling precariously over the side of the table, it made sense to me.

"What - happened?" I sputtered.

"Seizure," said Carlisle.

He and Jasper were both holding me so tightly that if I had been paying more attention, it would have been painful. As it was, I found the lack of ability to move a temporary relief. It was one less thing to think about. The beautiful couple whose names I did not know appeared at the door, both looking very worried.

"Is she all right? We heard something about a seizure!" said the woman.

"It's all right, Bella, she'll be fine," said Carlisle.

"I guess if there's one safe place to have a seizure..." muttered Bella.

"That's true," said Carlisle.

I wondered what they were talking about.


	4. Chapter Three

CHAPTER THREE - JUNE, 1814: SURREY, ENGLAND

Our engagement was no drawn-out affair. Thomas and I were married within the month, a simple church wedding and breakfast, and before I knew it I was off to his estate. Waverly Manor was a sprawling place, the stuff of gothic novels, with expansive grounds that I knew I would delight in roaming about.

My joy was tangible. All through the carriage ride to my new home, Thomas and I could not stop smiling at each other, both sets of eyes occasionally brimming with tears, and we kissed each other so many times it was a wonder the bumpy carriage never caused us to knock heads together.

"My darling," Thomas breathed as he kissed me again.

"Yes?" I asked.

"You are...you are perfect, in every way conceivable."

"Oh, go on."

"Divine."

"Hardly!"

"I speak the truth, or may God smite me where I sit!"

We both laughed.

Life was easy. It was happy. Every day, I felt a deep, continual contentment that surprised me, though I had always known that Thomas would be the reason for that feeling. I had not expected it all to be so perfect, so effortlessly wonderful. I breakfasted happily, I took my turns in the gardens happily, I attended balls as Mrs. West with the utmost joy...I could not imagine that there could be more to life than this. Than love.


	5. Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR - JANUARY, 2008: FORKS, WASHINGTON

A few hours later, Carlisle had moved me to one of the bedrooms. Though I had not seen much of the house, from what I could discern from this short tour, it had to be quite expansive. Their taste in decoration left little to be desired, and I approved of nearly everything I saw. There was always someone with me, something I had grown accustomed to in my former life, having always been around servants. They were odd, though, and scarcely seemed to move unless it was necessary. I kept being struck again and again by how utterly beautiful each one was, and I could not believe that one family could produce such perfection.

I woke up from a short rest. Bella was with me now. There was something different about her, which I could not quite place. Somehow, she seemed out of alignment with the rest of the Cullens. When she noticed me looking at her, she smiled with astonishingly white teeth.

"Hey there," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit better, I suppose," I said weakly.

"I'm Bella, if you don't remember. Edward's wife."

So Edward was the name of the second half of the perfect couple. Bella put her hand on my head, where the wound throbbed, and the startling cold felt comforting against it.

"Are you hungry?" asked Bella. "I'm sure we could cook you something good."

"Starving, actually," I confessed.

"I'll help you downstairs. It might do you some good to walk around a little, stretch your legs. Sorry for the cold."

As she apologized, her icy hands gripped my own. She then wrapped one arm around my shoulders and held my hand to help me down the stairs. I couldn't understand why she felt so hard. It wasn't as though she looked terribly muscular, but upon touching her, she may as well have been carved from stone. In the living room, everyone I had met was gathered, including a few I had not yet seen.

"There's the patient!" a big bear of a man shouted heartily as I approached.

"How are you feeling?" asked Carlisle.

"Better," I said. "Thank you."

"I thought she'd like something to eat," said Bella. "I'll be right back."

Bella squeezed my hand and went off into another room. The friendly man from before grinned at me.

"I'm Emmett," he said good-naturedly. "Glad to see you up and about. You gave us a scare."

"Hello," I said.

"Anne, you poor thing, let me get you something to wear, okay?" said Alice, disappearing up the stairs so quickly I almost did not see her do it. She returned with an outfit for me. "These should fit."

"Thank you."

Alice guided me to a bathroom so that I could change. When I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I started a bit. I looked horrible. I was every bit as pale as the residents of the strange house, yet my pale was not nearly as flattering and luminous as theirs. My gray eyes, usually the feature I held the most pride in, had gone from a pearlescent brightness to the color of murky, stormy skies, and I looked drawn. I remembered that someone had called me "pretty" when I had just begun to return to consciousness. As I ran my fingers through my tangled raven curls, I wondered briefly if the speaker had been blind. I dressed quickly - a pair of brown pants and a white sweater - and rejoined the family.

The one named Jasper kept eyeing me, and I felt a great swell of unease as he did. Then, inexplicably, that unease washed away, to be replaced by contentment and relaxation. I took the seat on the couch that Emmett offered me, and soon Bella swooped into the room and gracefully handed me a plate of chicken and vegetables. I ate greedily, not caring about how it looked.

"May I ask," I said, once my hunger had been satiated enough to allow a normal eating speed. "Why have you brought me here, rather than a hospital?"

The Cullens all looked at each other briefly, and then Emmett sighed.

"Should I do the honors?" he asked.

No one spoke right away, but a blonde woman who I had not yet seen made a sudden movement. I momentarily forgot what my question had been, so struck was I by her utter beauty. She managed to outshine all the other perfect faces, somehow, and she carried herself in a manner that suggested she was aware of that fact. When she motioned with her hand, everyone stopped and looked at her.

"Let Jasper explain," she said, and there was something taunting in her voice.

Jasper's eyes widened a little.

"Rosalie, I think that maybe - " Alice began, but she was cut off.

"He was the witness to it all. Let him tell it," said Rosalie.

"Rose," Emmett whispered in what may have been a gentle warning tone.

"If - if that isn't all right with you, Jasper, the question can rest for now," I said quickly.

"No," said Jasper. "No. It's fine."

He took a deep breath and hung his head a little. His face suddenly reflected a deep pain I had not expected to see. Edward and Bella seemed like they did not want to witness his answer, and they went into the dining room. Alice tried to take Jasper's hand, but he gave his head the tiniest of shakes and she moved away. Rosalie seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself.

"I..." Jasper began, but he trailed off for a moment. He regained himself and continued. "I tried to kill you."


	6. Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE - SEPTEMBER, 1815: SURREY, ENGLAND

I paced outside of the bedroom for hours, unable to sit. My hands shook. I was sweating. I had never felt less like a lady, and I had never cared less about it. It had to be close to dawn. It _must _have been. A night could not possibly go on as long as this one seemed to, not without it being the end of the world entirely.

"Mrs. West?"

The sound of the doctor's voice triggered more emotions at one time than I thought possible for one person to feel. Relief at his presence, terror at the possibility of bad news, desperate hope for good news, worry that this strange disease would spread to the rest of the family...in that tiny instant, I felt so many things it was a wonder I did not collapse onto the floor with sobs.

"Mrs. West," the doctor repeated. "I am afraid that it does not look hopeful."

I went numb. The doctor gripped me by the arm.

"What can be done?" I said, my throat strangling itself from horror.

"I cannot say, Mrs. West. I have never seen anything quite like this before."

Before I could react, I heard a soft, warbling cry from the next room.

"My daughter," I told the doctor. "She needs feeding."

"Of course," said the doctor.

"Please...tell me if anything changes."

"I shall."

The doctor bowed and went back into my bedroom. I hurried to the bassinet which held the mewing baby.

"Shh, my darling," I hushed her as I lifted her into my arms. "Little Caroline. Little, sweet Caroline. Do you worry about Papa?"

Caroline calmed at my touch and the sound of my voice, and something in her eyes made all my terror melt away. All that existed was this tiny baby, this sweet little girl who stared at me so intently as she fed, whose hand opened and closed against my arm rhythmically.

"Your papa will be perfectly fine, will he not?" I whispered to Caroline. "Of course he will. Your papa is a strong man and a good man. Those men always survive."

I could not believe how much I adored her. It did not matter what was happening around me. The sky itself could have fallen around me, and all that would have mattered was that I kept holding my darling daughter. An embarrassed cough from near the door jerked me out of my peaceful reverie. The doctor stood there, and I could not read his expression.

"When your daughter is asleep once more," he said softly. "Perhaps you ought to join your husband."

Even the feeling of Caroline against my bosom could not stop my blood from running cold. I nodded silently and allowed her to finish her meal. She drifted back to sleep, looking like a perfect angel to me, and I lay her back in her bassinet. The doctor was waiting outside of my bedroom door, and he nodded to me as my heart began to pound.

Thomas lay in our bed, his gray face illuminated by the light of the fireplace. As I approached slowly, I had to work hard not to gasp aloud. His dark brown hair had turned a startling white, and most of it had fallen out just since yesterday. He looked seventy, eighty, even ninety years old, though I knew him to be a mere thirty-two. He acknowledged me with a faint smile and I went to him, holding his hand as tightly as I dared.

"Anne," he said, and his gravelly voice held such love in it that my heart felt it could burst. "Anne, forgive me."

"For what?" I said, trying to put a laugh in my voice.

Thomas said nothing. His eyes closed slowly. I began shaking him and shrieking.

"Thomas! TOM! DOCTOR, HELP!"

But the doctor did not help. He just dragged me away from Thomas. He was speaking to me, but I did not hear it. Caroline had begun to cry in the other room, and my heart split in two from trying to decide whether to keep trying to rouse Thomas or to go to comfort my daughter. I could do neither, and I fainted into a deep blackness.


	7. Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX - JANUARY, 2008: FORKS, WASHINGTON

"You...you tried to _what_?" I gasped, reeling from what gentle Jasper had just told me.

"You must understand," he said. "I couldn't help myself."

I backed a few steps away from him, out of instinct. He sighed.

"Miss," he whispered. "You were screaming down near the river. And just as suddenly as I had heard it, you had stopped. I knew I shouldn't have run over to where you were, but..."

Jasper trailed off. Alice spoke for him.

"You have to understand, old habits die hard. Jasper was raised to be very protective of women. And he was in the Army. If he hears someone scream, he wants to know why. And he wants to help," she explained.

"Right," Jasper muttered. "At any rate, by the time I got there, you were in a state. Your eyes were open, but you weren't moving. I was afraid that I was too late, and then I smelled the blood."

"Blood?" I repeated.

"You had a wound on your head," Carlisle was quick to explain. "You bled quite a lot."

"I must have lost my mind then, because I remember pouncing," said Jasper.

A thought had entered the back of my mind, but I quickly surpressed it. What sort of idiot would they take me for if I brought it up? Edward had suddenly reentered the room.

"Your assumption is correct," he said softly. "You are in no danger, but you are correct."

Was this man honestly trying to tell me that they were vampires? That my childish idea was somehow a true fact? In the split second after his reply, I had tried to come up with another explanation for so many hard, freezing, beautiful, pale people in one place, and yet I could not.

"No danger!" I shrieked, standing so that my plate fell out of my lap. Alice caught it a half-inch from the floor. "I am in no danger, except that the one so fierce about protecting women tried to kill me?"

"I fed," said Jasper, staring at the floor. "Just a sip. But I fed. And I am ashamed of it."

The way he spoke and the way he hung his head assured me that his shame was quite real. But that was not nearly enough to keep me from wanting to hurt him. I wanted to beat him, to throw him down a set of stairs, anything that would ease this rage I felt inside. This disgusting creature of the night tried to drain me of life, and now he stood before me politely, giving his confession as though he were informing me he'd broken a favorite teacup? I could not fathom how he dared to do so.

"I am leaving this house. I am leaving right now!" I shouted, and I turned to go.

Alice's hand caught me, frozen and hard, before I could take so much as a step.

"Anne, you have to stay. Please."

Something in the pleading tone of her voice made me hesitate, but I shook my head when realization dawned on me.

"You mean to kill me anyway," I said slowly. "You mean to let me restore my strength, so my blood will be at its best, and then you all will pounce upon me like animals!"

"No! No, we wouldn't," said Alice.

"Then what? Why would you want me to stay?"

Bella spoke up. "This is a very small town."

She didn't need to say anything more.

"You are afraid I will tell someone," I whispered. "Aren't you?"

Bella nodded. "We have to remain a secret."

I snorted.

"It is absolutely necessary, Anne, please," Carlisle said urgently.

"What, you're afraid of all the torches and pitchforks that may arrive at your door, held by the angry townspeople?"

"Much, much more than that. There are serious rules, and serious vampires who are very, _very _serious about upholding those rules. Believe me, townspeople are nothing compared to them," said Alice.

Another thought crossed my mind. If these vampires were so intent on their secret being kept, then why would they have cared for me in their own home? Edward answered that thought.

"Alice saw us keeping you here," he said. "She...has visions. Sees the future."

This caused me to reel ever so slightly. "Visions?" I croaked.

"Yes," said Alice. "And I saw you staying with us. Who am I to try and change that?"

For a moment, I thought I was about to faint. I swayed, and before I could so much as exhale there were three pairs of hands holding me up. The reality of this situation was exhausting. I could not remember any time I had ever felt more fatigued. Over my head, Jasper and Alice shared a significant look.

"What?" I asked. "What is it?"

"Just something I felt," Jasper mumbled.

They helped me to sit in an armchair. Jasper knelt beside me while Alice kept steadily stroking my hair with her icy fingers.

"May I tell you what happened after I...sipped?" asked Jasper meekly.

I nodded as an automatic response.

"That is when Emmett arrived, and I'm very glad he did," Jasper told me, not meeting my eyes. "It's a good thing it was him. He's hard for me to fight against."

Emmett flexed a bicep unnecessarily, as his muscles were such that he always looked ready for a tussle. He also winked at me, which I did not appreciate.

"I held onto Jasper as tight as I could, and I called out for help. Good thing our ears are as great as they are," said Emmett. "Alice and Carlisle were there in seconds. They brought you here, Jasper calmed down, and...now we're up to date."

I doubted that was all there was to the story, but a wave of weakness washed over me just then, and it was so powerful that I fell promptly asleep.


	8. Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN - DECEMBER, 1817: LONDON, ENGLAND

"Good mornin', Mrs. West. How d'you do today?"

I made an effort to look into the face of the young nurse. She smiled a forced smile at me, trying to look gentle and sweet and nonthreatening, but I could not return the gesture.

"Wouldn't tha like goin' out for a bit? There's a bit of snow fallin' and it's a right lovely sight to see. Spent a bit of time out there meself," said the nurse, plumping my pillow.

"No, thank you," I said.

The nurse bit her lip and looked at me for a moment, then sat down on my bed.

"Mrs. West," she whispered. "If you stay cooped up in here like you do, you could lose yourself. Thou's a beautiful woman, ma'am. But if you keep in the dark like this, you might not stay in such a way."

The nurse's lilting Yorkshire was soothing, but not enough to rouse a smile. She placed her cool hands on either side of my face and stroked my cheeks.

"I know you don't really belong in this place, ma'am," she went on. "So do try and get yourself out."

She kissed me on the forehead and left the room. I had not moved an inch. All I could think of was my face. I wondered if my face could even begin to reflect the torture I felt inside. At that, I pulled myself out of my bed and shuffled over to the little washbasin, where a small mirror sat propped against the wall. I had not seen my own face in months. When I lifted the mirror and held it at arm's length, my insides utterly froze.

I looked just the same as I always had.

My black hair was still voluminous, still so much like a fine Greecian lady's curls, held away from my face with a bandeau. My gray eyes still shone out like thunderclouds from behind my thick black lashes. My skin was still milky, my cheeks still pink. I had become thin, certainly, but even that had not diminished my beauty.

Rage grew inside me. How could I dare to be beautiful? Was this to be my punishment, to be sentenced to live forever young and pretty while everything I loved, everything I held dear was destroyed, sucked of youth, health, and beauty? I let out a howl of anguish, smashing the mirror with my bare hands, not caring about the pain and blood and shards of glass in my palms and fingers. Two nurses had run into my room, restraining me and beginning to clean my hands within seconds. I had calmed by now, and I had gone back into my trance.

"There now, ma'am," said someone who I did not bother to look at. "You'll be all right."

The nurse from before, the sweet-faced one who had tried to comfort me, peeked inside the room. She gestured to the other two to leave, and came back inside and knelt by me.

"What's got you so riled, Mrs. West? I heard you screamin' all the way down the hall like I don't know what," she said. "You were screamin' out a name. D'you remember?"

I shook my head.

"You were screamin' about Caroline. Who's Caroline?"

I went rigid. My insides froze again, and it was all I could do not to rip out my hair, or perhaps the nurse's. Her eyes went quite wide all of a sudden.

"Oh, sweet Jesus," she whispered. "Caroline was your little girl, wasn't she?"

I nodded.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am. I won't bring it up again, I promise."

"Thank you. Please go," I said dully.

The nurse left meekly, leaving me to think about the last time I saw my daughter...

_I pretended not to hear the whispers all around me. So many callers had come to the house, hoping to lend a listening ear for my despair or to help relieve me of the weight of caring for my ailing child, and yet not one of them had come in earnest. They had all come to get a close look at the dying girl, to see that my face showed no wear or exhaustion, to mutter their suspicions that I had somehow poisoned my baby girl._

_Caroline's skin had turned sallow and loose in the past months. Her cries were no more than warbling whispers, and she would not feed from my breast any longer. The doctor had been trying to feed her with pure milk through a bottle, but she could not eat. She looked as though she had been left in the bath for a long time, because her skin showed pruny wrinkles and puckers. I could not forgive myself for seeing the resemblance at that moment to her father at the hour of his death._

_Presently, I had lifted my baby girl to my bosom and held her as tightly as I dared. She looked at me with those perfect eyes, the only part of her still untouched by whatever demon had taken hold of her. She blinked. She blinked again, more slowly. On the third blink, she did not open her eyes again._

_I was all alone._


	9. Chapter Eight

CHAPTER EIGHT - JANUARY, 2008: FORKS, WASHINGTON

I woke several hours later in a daze. I did not recognize the room, but I knew that I was alone in it. It was nighttime, though how late, I didn't know. I pulled the dressing gown that had been so thoughtfully laid on the end of the bed over my shoulder and crept downstairs. No one else had gone to bed - I doubted they needed sleep - and all were gathered in the living room. Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle were watching a documentary about ancient Egypt on TV, Alice and Jasper chatted quietly in the dining room while Esme read a book at the other end of the table, and Bella and Edward were occupied with an exquisite little girl I had not yet seen.

"Anne!" said Bella, meeting my eyes and smiling.

I smiled weakly. "Hello."

"Please, sit down," said Edward, ever polite, offering me his chair.

"No, please, I would prefer standing. I have been prone for far too long," I protested.

Edward nodded, smiled crookedly, and sat back down.

"Who is this little beauty?" I asked.

"Our daughter," said Edward. "Renesmee."

"What an unusual name."

Bella laughed. "She's named for both our mothers. Esme and Renee."

"She's quite perfect."

Renesmee smiled at me. "Thank you. You're very pretty. I'm glad you feel better."

I was a little surprised at the fluency of the young girl's speech. "Thank you very much, young lady."

"How are you feeling, Anne?" asked Carlisle from the sofa. "You worried us quite a bit, falling asleep like that."

"I apologize. I did not see that coming. I suppose it was the stress of it all."

I caught Jasper's eye as I said that, though I had not intended to. He looked ashamed of himself. Oddly, I did not feel anger toward the young man, as perhaps I should have, but instead felt..._pity_. I could not think why. Just as suddenly as I felt it, it was replaced by a very different feeling. A calm contentment. Why in the world should I have felt content? I could make no sense of it.

"Jasper, stop it," said Alice suddenly. "Just let her feel what she's feeling. Otherwise it'll only hurt her more."

"What do you mean, Alice?" I asked.

Alice sighed. "Jasper has a very unique gift. He has the ability to control emotions, to an extent."

"Then that relaxed feeling just now - "

"Came from me, yes," said Jasper.

"And that horrible weakness, the way I fell asleep with no warning?"

"Actually, no, I had nothing to do with that," said Jasper.

The contentment was swept away as driftwood into the sea to shift into utter panic. Before I knew it, many pairs of hands had gently clutched on to me and guided me toward the chair I had at first refused. I could not focus on the beautiful faces except for one: Renesmee. Her flawless brown eyes looked at me with a wisdom I hadn't seen in a child, in all my many, many years of life.

"Why are you so afraid?" asked Renesmee softly.

My panic subsided as I looked at her, took in the delicate features and gentle expression on her face. Inexplicably, I felt a rush of love toward her, the same way I felt whenever I looked upon my Caroline.

"I am afraid, little one, for many reasons that I..."

I could not finish speaking. Sobs overtook me. I covered my face, both humiliated and unable to stop the flood of tears, and began to positively howl. A frozen hand was rubbing circles on my back, and though I could tell it was the touch of a female, I didn't know who it was. Finally, after a long time, I was able to collect myself enough to speak fluently.

"Perhaps Renesmee ought to leave the room before I continue," I said. "I would not want to upset her."

"Renesmee is not a typical child," said Esme. "She can handle this."

But the memories of my beloved daughter overtook my senses, and I firmly shook my head.

"I will say nothing in front of the girl. In fact, perhaps I will say nothing at all."

With that, I stood and walked briskly to the front door. No one stopped me, so they must have known I was not planning to truly escape. I needed the frozen air desperately, to feel the crunch of frost beneath my poorly-insulated feet. I found a place to sit under a large tree whose branches drooped heavily under the weight of the ice and wet-packed snow and planted myself there, listening to my own lungs breathing the air in and out. I was cold. Terribly cold.

"You really should come inside," said Jasper.

I stood with a yelp, not having realized he had come out after me. He kept his distance and looked at me impassively.

"You've just had a trauma. A big one. I don't want you getting sick out here, all right? Please come inside," he pleaded.

"Jasper," I said hoarsely. "I do not belong here."

I had begun to weep again, weep as hard as I had after Caroline had been taken from me so cruelly. Jasper took a few steps closer. I went on.

"I am not...real. I am not...human. I cannot be. There is some sort of power within me that I cannot explain, nor can I control. But I know that it is not a human power. A human could not live forever. And I am fairly certain that I can. I have destroyed _everything _that I have ever held dear, everything that ever meant something to my heart, and for that I have been damned to live an eternity, unable to ever love again, praying for death."

I had not anticipated sharing this secret with Jasper alone, yet my mouth had spoken it. Jasper walked even closer and began to shed his coat. After a slight hesitation, he walked right up next to me and draped it over my shoulders. He then nodded for me to continue with my story.

"I was born in 1795, in London. I was of high society. My life was all about the pianoforte, and making calls to neighbors of influence, and balls, and an advantageous marriage. The last of that list is what began my downfall. When I was nineteen years old, I fell in love with a man named Thomas West. We were married, and for while all was perfect. And then, not very long after my twentieth birthday, Tom became ill. He had gone weak, his hair turned silver within a month...I could make no sense of it.

He suffered for two full months, and then he died. He was thirty-two, but anyone would have sworn he was eighty. The pain of knowing our dear daughter would never know her father nearly broke me, but I loved her so much that I could not allow myself to stop living. To stop being strong for her. I devoted every last bit of my time to Caroline, in hopes that I could be mother and father to her, and could teach her of Tom's incredible love for her.

And then it happened to her. I saw her skin wrinkle before my very eyes. It only took a week once it had begun. My baby shriveled until I could not recognize her, and she died in my own arms. I..."

I could not continue for a long time. My shoulders were shaking, both from the cold and from my racking sobs. Jasper had taken a few deep breaths and would not meet my eyes. I knew that if he had the ability, he would have been crying along with me. Remembering that he could control emotions in others, it dawned upon me that he would be able to feel everything that I could. My heart ached at the idea of sharing the full extent of my pain with anyone else, even the man who had once tried to kill me. When I could, I breathed deeply and told the rest of my story.

"I spent many years in an asylum. I had gone numb, utterly numb to the world around me. But there was a nurse who I could not block. A young, sweet thing with more compassion than could possibly have been wise for her to have in such an occupation. And, slowly, I grew to love her. I cared about her very much, cared for her well-being, cared if she was being treated well by the rest of the staff. And then when she came into my room one day looking as though she had not slept in a week, with errant gray hairs streaking throughout, I ran from the place and never looked back. To this day, I do not know if she met her end the way my loved ones did.

I have never stayed anywhere for more than a year at a time. I do not form attachments with people. If I feel the slightest twinge of love for anyone, I take off as suddenly as I arrive. I...felt love for Renesmee, not a moment ago. I will not be the ruination of that darling girl. I will _not_!"

I shouted the last part, and my cry sounded so stark among the snow-silenced land that I shocked myself back into a quieter tone.

"Jasper, I cannot stay here. You must let me go. Or...kill me."

Jasper's eyes went wide.

"Do it," I whispered. "I felt angry when I found out you tried to kill me. I did. But it was simply an instinct. No, were I to have my way right now, I would have you drink every bit of blood until I am dry. Jasper, kill me. Please. I beg you. Even if it is Hell waiting for me upon my death, as I am sure it is, I would not care. I would welcome it. I deserve Hell for what I have done."

A pregnant pause fell about Jasper and I. He finally met my eyes with a hard look on his face I had not yet seen.

"You deserve nothing like that, Anne," he said firmly. "None of this is your fault."

"How can you say that? How would you know?"

Jasper sighed. "Have you ever heard of a psionic vampire?"

"No, I haven't," I said with a frown. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well," said Jasper slowly. "I think that you are one."


End file.
